Contemplating Orange Crush

Hello Mr President.

Hi have we met before?

Oh yes, you liked my pussy….

Really? Was it orange like me?

I was in the Secret Service and you called me Agent Orange!

Wow, you must have had a killer pussy!

It sure blew your mind… 

….. So I hope you can remember something useful and answer my questions….

Don’t get aggressive now….

So tell me, do you believe China has Weapons Of Mass Destruction?

Oh yes, I do….

And you have hard evidence?

Yes, our intelligence people have reliable evidence!

So what are you going to do?

I have told the Chinese that we want our inspectors to access their labs.

And if they refuse?

We will punish them! I think we might invade…. Show them how great we are!

Really? Do you remember when Bush said Iraq was making viruses in their Labs?

Iraq, Iraq…. Is that a place?

Do you remember when we said if the communists took over Vietnam, all the SE Asian dominoes would fall?

That was long before my time… What happened?

We unleashed Agent Orange!

You really f**ked them over then….

Totally, yes and we are still paying for it!

Hmm, I’m the richest man in the world!  What are you doing after work?

Dealing With Covid 19 And Climate Change In Australia

Hello Minister…. Are you staying well?

Oh yes indeed. I have been maintaining social distancing!

And it has worked for you?

Oh and for the nation!

We seem to be doing well… So how long do you expect this to continue?

It depends on the science! We follow the advice of the scientific experts! That is the way we will avoid a total catastrophe.

So, it’s all about the science?

Yes, we accept the modelling and we formulate policy based on the scientific advice. And we wait for the scientists to find a vaccine or a cure…

And following the science is more important than following big business?

Yes in the short term, but in the longer term business will thank us! Everybody will thank us!

So will you change your policies to avert the catastrophic disaster that scientific modelling of climate change predicts? I mean, the vast majority of reputable climate scientists are predicting a cataclysm if we don’t do something soon!

Not everyone accepts that view! In the mean time we need an enquiry into the origins of the Covid 19 crisis!

But wasn’t it largely because politicians ignored the warnings of medical and scientific experts, both in China and then the rest of the world and did not take the appropriate actions quickly enough?

Australia has been quick to react and we have done well….. We have followed expert advice…

Yes, so shouldn’t we do more about climate change when it could destroy humanity and the planet as we know it?

Let us pray not!

Huh?

A Patient Prime Minister In Waiting

It has been a while, Prime Minister In Waiting....

"Well I'm a very patient man."

What have you been doing all this time?

"Walking the righteous path, meeting with elders, taking council, talking to my flock."

Are you not anxious for change?

"You should know that at heart, I am a very conservative person, so rapid change is not my thing."

You're happy just to wait for your second coming and not help things along?

"I don't need to, but if my supporters conduct a little sabotage.... burn a few bridges, light a fuse or two, sink a few boats.... "

That sounds like ISIS!

"Oh, I mean it metaphorically!"  "I believe in our democratic system!"

Still, sounds a like a storm on the horizon to me...

"Well every rainbow needs a little rain!"

Ah, you have a rainbow connection too?

"Back off sister!"

OK, OK.... I don't want a shirt front in my solar plexus!

"Sorry, I apologise." "I would never do that to a woman!"

Ah of course... You were just letting off steam?

"I won't bust my boiler, when I just have to keep the coal fires smouldering."

I suppose...so it could be long wait?

"Don't worry, I'm confident the sun won't burn a hole in my hat before I'm boss again!"

So there's a climate for change in this country?

"Oh believe me sister, there is a train a coming and a change is gonna come Oh Lord!"

Ah well, I hope you are not standing in the middle of the tracks, Prime Minister In Waiting!

Now that the torture is in its new phase...

Hello again Prime Minister in waiting...

Please don't call me that!

Well, you are looking in a better position than before the election.... and you were pretty much on the money with your predictions!

I know... but in all modesty, I won't say "I told you so!"

No?

Oh all right, Na na n na-na, I told you so! I told you so! I told you so! 

Now you sound like the school yard bully....

Uh? I just had to enjoy being right about something for once...

For once, Prime Minister in Waiting,

F off numbskull!

No, you don't sound like a future Prime Minister....

Now that the torture is coming to a...new phase

Hello Prime Minister!

Oh you know I am no-longer the Prime Minister!

But you were!

Yes, but this is not America. We don't keep our title, like their Presidents...

True... but you are the Prime Minister in waiting.....

Well I won't have to wait long before these blowsy boys bury themselves after this election!

You hope so?

I just listen to their endless repetitive boring piffle with cotton-wool in their mouths and I know they won't last... I mean, their woolly waffle belongs in the social pages...

You mean Socialist pages?

No sport, the social pages! When I'm Prime Minister politics will be back on the sporting pages, where it belongs. Fighting the good fight. Killing em with our decisive manoeuvring. Making them beg for mercy. They won't know what hit 'em!

I guess not, Prime Minister.....

The Prime Minister Has Left The Building!

Prime Minister, Prime Minister where are you?

Who are you looking for?

Tony!

Oh, Tony has left the building!

Left his bunker? Does that mean the war is over? He was our war time Prime Minister!

Oh no! Only the battle!

But his army has been routed!

Oh but that does not mean the war is over. The guerrilla war has just begun!

.... But this isn’t Iraq or Afghanistan or Syria!!

And Tony won’t hide in a fox hole in the desert!

God knows where this will end.

Ah, God is Great!

Huh?

Don't Worry About The Future

Hello Prime Minister, How’s it going?

Great. We are in a new phase of good governance!

So, I thought the economy was heading for car crash!

Ah, that’s why we are reinstating support for the car industry…

And reversing other budget cuts? What about Labour’s budgetary black holes?

We want people to be happy!

Will they be happy when they fall into a black hole?

Now don’t you worry about that! That’s far off in the future, laddy!

Sort of like Climate Change?

Yes!

I see, Prime Minister.