Thursday, September 18, 2014

Team Australia Declares War

Fellow Team Australia Members,

I am speaking to you in troubling circumstances from my tree bunker in faraway Arnhem Land.  I am soberly and reluctantly announcing that your government has declared war on Ibis. We have, I believe shown incredible restraint and do not go into this endeavour at all lightly. We are aware of the potential social and economic costs. However Ibis have gotten out of control. Their numbers have grown to the point where they are disrupting everyday life. We have seen Ibis walking in the main streets of our towns, putting the welfare of motorists and pedestrians at risk. Picnickers have nearly lost their heads to marauding birds.  Enough is enough. We can no longer tolerate this aberrant behaviour.

To this end, your government has purchased a fleet of the latest vertical take-off drones, equipped with the latest bird repellent noise-makers and scatter shot-guns. They will be controlled using the latest Apple iPhone 6 loaded with a top secret version of IOS 8.1 … developed by Apple U.S. under the guidance of our Air force, made in China and assembled somewhere  in Australia …. We believe this approach to be effective and affordable with minimal risk to the lives of Australians and will remove the threat that Ibis bring to the Australian way of life.

Ibis should be regarded as dangerous and no citizen should approach or attempt to engage with an Ibis. If you as a member of Team Australia, notice flocks of Ibis congregating in your neighbourhood, it is your patriotic duty to ”tweet” to  the nation so that our drones can take prompt and effective action to keep our nation safe.  The nation that “tweets” together flies!  Ibis will fall!

Further updates will be transmitted from this bunker in coming days.  I look forward to our glorious victory.

Your beloved Team Leader.

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