Fellow Team Australia Members,
I am speaking to you in troubling circumstances from my tree
bunker in faraway Arnhem Land. I am soberly
and reluctantly announcing that your government has declared war on Ibis. We
have, I believe shown incredible restraint and do not go into this endeavour
at all lightly. We are aware of the potential social and economic costs.
However Ibis have gotten out of control. Their numbers have grown to the point
where they are disrupting everyday life. We have seen Ibis walking in the main
streets of our towns, putting the welfare of motorists and pedestrians at risk.
Picnickers have nearly lost their heads to marauding birds. Enough is enough. We can no longer tolerate
this aberrant behaviour.
To this end, your government has purchased a fleet of the
latest vertical take-off drones, equipped with the latest bird repellent
noise-makers and scatter shot-guns. They will be controlled using the latest
Apple iPhone 6 loaded with a top secret version of IOS 8.1 … developed by Apple
U.S. under the guidance of our Air force, made in China and assembled somewhere
in Australia …. We believe this approach
to be effective and affordable with minimal risk to the lives of Australians
and will remove the threat that Ibis bring to the Australian way of life.
Ibis should be regarded as dangerous and no citizen should
approach or attempt to engage with an Ibis. If you as a member of Team
Australia, notice flocks of Ibis congregating in your neighbourhood, it is your
patriotic duty to ”tweet” to the nation
so that our drones can take prompt and effective action to keep our nation
safe. The nation that “tweets” together flies!
Ibis will fall!
Further updates will be transmitted from this bunker in coming
days. I look forward to our glorious
victory.
Your beloved Team Leader.
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