Saturday, August 31, 2013

Mistaken Identity

I would like to ask you about climate change.
Oh, I just want to talk about “boat people”.
Won’t you talk about our manufacturing industry?
No, I just want to talk about “boat people”.
Why can’t we talk about education, research and development, maybe housing or the aging population?
Because I just want to talk about “boat people”.
OK, so tell me what you are going to do about “boat people”....
Well to begin with I am going to eradicate poverty, starvation and extreme inequality, educate people to tolerate difference and live together in harmony and stop wars so people will be happy to live wherever they are....
Oh, that doesn't sound like your party’s policy!
Sorry, I’m not the candidate! I’m his sound engineer!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Black Holes

The others say your budgeting is full of black holes.
Who do they think they are? Brian Cox?
We are talking about budgeting, not astronomy!
There are no black holes in our budgeting!
The others say it is full of assumptions about future income streams.
Our figures have been evaluated by Treasury economists and they confirm there are no black holes.
You mean by the people who foresaw the GFC?
I didn’t say Treasury astrologists!
So they foresaw the GFC?
The Treasury has economists, not astrologists!
And they don’t see black holes?

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Your Interests at Heart

Vote for us, we have your interests at heart.
How do you know my interests?
I am just like you!
Well I am white, middle class, own my own home, car, boat and holiday home, manage a medium sized business, send my children to private school, have private health cover, like to travel and live in a nice suburb with like-minded people who don’t  want under privileged  or “different” people living next door.
As I said, just like you…
Ah, so are you Liberal or Labour?

Part IV - Taxation Policy

So will you increase the GST?
I categorically deny we will increase the GST!
So how will you pay for your promises?
We will not increase the GST!
Where will the money come from?
By cutting the flab, reducing waste and being more efficient than them.
Isn't that what all previous governments have promised?
Yes, and we will always be more effective in reducing waste than they will be…
Does that mean you won’t increase taxes?
We are fiscally responsible and we will only spend what we can afford.
So, no tax increases?
Our policy is not to increase taxation but rather to cut flab and where appropriate, redistribute wealth….

Vote Fiscal Responsibility

We are the more fiscally responsible party!
So you have costed all your proposals?
Oh yes, we have had high level Treasury appraisals.
The others say that too!
Oh, but they are liars. We tell the truth!
How do we know that?
Because we are honest people!
Are you calling me a liar?
No, I just want some evidence to support your assertion.
The evidence is that we are the more fiscally responsible party!

The Leader’s Vision

So where do you see Australia going?
Under my leadership, Australia will be better off than under his…
And where do you plan to take us?
To a place that is better than it would have been…
How do you plan to do this?
With strong leadership and by making the hard decisions.
So you have a vision of where we are going?
I can see we will be better off than we would have been if he was leader.
Will we like where you take us?
You know the answer….
Will I still need my drugs?

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Elect Us Part 1 - A personal guide to election speak in Australia 2013

Vote for us! We’re better than them!
We are better than them!
They are crap! We are better than them!
We have been better than they would have been if they had been in power!
Do you know who you are?
We are the ones who will be better they would have been if they had been in power!
Do you have any policies?
Yes! To be better than them!
Who are you???