Monday, July 4, 2016

Now that the torture is in its new phase...

Hello again Prime Minister in waiting...

Please don't call me that!

Well, you are looking in a better position than before the election.... and you were pretty much on the money with your predictions!

I know... but in all modesty, I won't say "I told you so!"

No?

Oh all right, Na na n na-na, I told you so! I told you so! I told you so! 

Now you sound like the school yard bully....

Uh? I just had to enjoy being right about something for once...

For once, Prime Minister in Waiting,

F off numbskull!

No, you don't sound like a future Prime Minister....


Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Now that the torture is coming to a...new phase

Hello Prime Minister!

Oh you know I am no-longer the Prime Minister!

But you were!

Yes, but this is not America. We don't keep our title, like their Presidents...

True... but you are the Prime Minister in waiting.....

Well I won't have to wait long before these blowsy boys bury themselves after this election!

You hope so?

I just listen to their endless repetitive boring piffle with cotton-wool in their mouths and I know they won't last... I mean, their woolly waffle belongs in the social pages...

You mean Socialist pages?

No sport, the social pages! When I'm Prime Minister politics will be back on the sporting pages, where it belongs. Fighting the good fight. Killing em with our decisive manoeuvring. Making them beg for mercy. They won't know what hit 'em!

I guess not, Prime Minister.....

Monday, September 14, 2015

The Prime Minister Has Left The Building!

Prime Minister, Prime Minister where are you?

Who are you looking for?

Tony!

Oh, Tony has left the building!

Left his bunker? Does that mean the war is over? He was our war time Prime Minister!

Oh no! Only the battle!

But his army has been routed!

Oh but that does not mean the war is over. The guerrilla war has just begun!

.... But this isn’t Iraq or Afghanistan or Syria!!

And Tony won’t hide in a fox hole in the desert!

God knows where this will end.

Ah, God is Great!

Huh?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Don't Worry About The Future

Hello Prime Minister, How’s it going?

Great. We are in a new phase of good governance!

So, I thought the economy was heading for car crash!

Ah, that’s why we are reinstating support for the car industry…

And reversing other budget cuts? What about Labour’s budgetary black holes?

We want people to be happy!

Will they be happy when they fall into a black hole?

Now don’t you worry about that! That’s far off in the future, laddy!

Sort of like Climate Change?

Yes!


I see, Prime Minister.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Prime Minister Fears Executions

All appeals have failed
The executions are inevitable…
Now…

There's a bicycle comin'
And I'm gonna ride it
I'll rise in the morning
My fate decided it
I'm a dead man cyclin'
I'm a dead man cyclin'

Already broken, already gone
Already know you're moving on
I'm a breathing, talking
Dead man, cycling
Already see it, in your face
Already someone, in my place
I'm a breathing, talking
Dead man, cycling

I hear the media talking talking talking
Now I'm a dead man cycling cycling cycling
I hear the media talking talking talking
Now I'm a dead man.


In the future, the execution will not be televised.
In the future, the execution will not be televised.

In the future, the execution will not be televised?




(with apologies to Springsteen, The Script and G Scott-Heron)

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

The Knight Prince

Happy New Year Prime Minister!
  Hello!
The war must be going very well!
   Well, yes… it is….
I hear you have a new knight to champion your cause!
   Er…
Yes, Sir Prince!
   Oh, but knighthoods are not political appointments!
And neither are the Royals!
  No!
So what is the point of them?
   Well, they show others what we stand for! And they make us feel good too.
You must be feeling really good then, Prime Minister???
   Hmmm.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A Small Matter of Priorities

Prime Minister, some people are worried about the Government’s priorities…
The Government’s first priority is looking after our national interest.
Does that stop at our borders?
Well Mike, the Government will assess each issue on its merits.
Ah.
We will not waste money on frivolous and unnecessary projects!
You want maximum bang for buck, like bombing Iraq?
Our economy is vulnerable and we must focus on the most important issues!
Not Ebola, Malaria, pollution, climate change, species extinction?
We will not put our citizens at risk by committing them to deal with these problems….
So who will?
We are just a small country, with a fragile economy that mainly relies on selling natural resources to China and we can do very little….
So just a couple of bombs?
Yeah….